Looking for laughs while geeking out over your favorite crime solving team?
These 300+ Funny & Creative Criminal Minds Jokes are here to brighten your day!
Whether you’re a true fan of the Behavioral Analysis Unit or just enjoy witty humor, this collection will crack you up and make you see the show in a hilarious new light.
The Benefits of Choosing Criminal Minds Jokes
- Guaranteed Laughs: These jokes offer a fun twist on iconic moments from the show, sparking quick smiles.
- Relatable Humor: Fans connect deeply with characters and plot references, making jokes extra special.
- Stress Relief: Laughter lightens the mood, even while tackling intense themes.
- Perfect for Fans: A playful way to celebrate your favorite crime-solvers!
Funny & Creative Criminal Minds Jokes
- Why did Reid bring a pencil to the BAU? He wanted to draw some conclusions!
- Garcia doesn’t need a GPS—she always knows where the punchline is.
- Why does Hotch never tell jokes? His delivery is too deadpan.
- Rossi’s secret to a good joke? It has to age like fine wine.
- Reid tried stand-up comedy once… the audience didn’t understand half the setup.
- Why doesn’t Morgan use puns? He can’t handle the unsubtle humor.
- Garcia joined the BAU for the data, but stayed for the drama.
- Why was the unsub bad at hide-and-seek? He forgot Garcia was on their tail.
- Hotch walked into a bar… and everyone immediately left because it “felt intense.”
- Why did JJ become a profiler? She already knew how to read between the lines.
- Reid tried to solve a joke like a case, but it was pun-ishment in disguise.
- Why doesn’t Rossi like riddles? It reminds him of paperwork.
- Garcia’s wardrobe is like her personality—colorful and impossible to miss!
- Morgan would joke about training, but you’d have to push-up on your humor.
- Why does Reid love libraries? He can finally out-nerd someone there.
- Hotch isn’t the life of the party, but he’s the organizer, so you better show up.
- Garcia started a new app called “Profiler Puns,” but even she can’t code the punchline.
- Morgan could charm anyone… even an unsub into confessing!
- Reid’s one-liners are so smart, even Einstein would need a minute to get them.
- Why did JJ become a media liaison? She wanted her words to make it big.
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Criminal Minds Jokes Collect From Reddit
- Why did Reid get kicked out of the joke competition? He solved the punchline before it was delivered.
- Hotch told a dad joke so bad, even the unsub requested to be arrested faster.
- Why does Morgan hate watching comedies? He always sees the twist coming.
- Rossi hosting a dinner party is like a mystery novel—the ending is always surprising and delicious.
- Why does Garcia love computers? The clues are easier to crack than a knock-knock joke.
- What’s Prentiss’s favorite exercise? Running from bad puns.
- Reid doesn’t tell jokes at parties—he prefers statistical probabilities of what will make you laugh.
- When the BAU plans a team outing, they’re profiling the best pizza in the area.
- Why isn’t Rossi scared of ghosts? He’s already written their memoirs.
- Garcia’s computer has more personality than some of the suspects they interrogate.
- Why doesn’t Reid gamble? He’s too busy calculating the house odds.
- Hotch walks into a room, and suspects start confessing—it’s not a joke; it’s just Hotch.
- Morgan doesn’t need a joke book—his charm does all the laughing work for him.
- When Garcia decorates for the holidays, even her data gets festive.
- What did Rossi tell his publisher? “Better add a punchline budget to my book tours!”
- Why doesn’t Reid go camping? He can’t statistically avoid mosquito bites.
- If Morgan were a comedian, everyone would laugh before the mic is even on.
- Why does Garcia love social media? It’s the perfect platform for punchlines.
- Hotch’s idea of a pick-me-up? A motivational quote and a very dry joke.
- Prentiss once made a joke so unexpected, even Reid was speechless.
Dirty Criminal Minds Jokes
- Why did the profiler refuse to go on a blind date? They couldn’t establish a behavioral pattern beforehand.
- What’s a criminal’s least favorite game? Hide and Seek—BAU Edition.
- Why don’t serial killers write memoirs? Too many redacted chapters.
- Why did Garcia hate the hacker’s jokes? Because they weren’t encrypted with humor.
- Why can’t BAU agents play poker? Their tells give it all away.
- What’s Reid’s favorite type of music? Classical, because it’s statistically appealing.
- Why did Morgan bring donuts to the crime scene? He wanted to sprinkle in some sugar before digging into the crime.
- How do BAU agents throw a party? With a profile, an outline, and an alibi.
- Why did the BAU team break up with tech support? They couldn’t handle the “complicated relationship” status.
- Why did Prentiss go on a cooking spree? To prove profiling wasn’t her only recipe for success.
- What’s the worst pickup line for a profiler? “I’ve got layers you can analyze.”
- Why did Garcia refuse to babysit? “I can trace hackers, not toddlers.”
- What did Morgan say to the suspect who wouldn’t talk? “Guess you’re not confessin’, my man.”
- Why did the unsub refuse to see Spencer Reid? Too much nerdy evidence to debunk.
- Why do killers fear statistics? Because Reid would take them apart—piece by piece.
- What did Rossi bring to movie night? A bottle of fancy wine and a timeline of crime plot twists.
- Why does Hotch never take a day off? Crime doesn’t clock out.
- Why did Reid join a trivia contest? He wanted research on how quickly he could win.
- What’s a profiler’s favorite social media app? None—they’d rather just analyze you in person.
- Why don’t agents tell pizza jokes? They’re always too cheesy.
