300+ Funny & Creative Old Firm Jokes

Looking for a good laugh? Get ready to chuckle with our collection of 300+ Funny & Creative Old Firm Jokes! 

Whether you’re a football fan or just love clever humor, these jokes are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. 

Perfect for lightening the mood or sharing with friends, these witty gems will keep the laughs coming!

The Benefits of Choosing Old Firm Jokes

• Unites Fans with Laughter: These jokes bring football fans together, fostering camaraderie through shared humor. 

• Adds Fun to Rivalries: Old Firm jokes keep rivalries lighthearted, making games more enjoyable. 

• Easily Shareable: Perfect for social occasions or online sharing, spreading smiles everywhere. 

• Timeless Appeal: Their wit and creativity ensure laughter never goes out of style!

Funny & Creative Old Firm Jokes

1. Why did the football fan bring a ladder to the match? To see their team rise to the top! 
2. What’s a football fan’s favorite type of tea? Penal-tea. 
3. Why don’t Old Firm fans play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding in that crowd! 
4. What do you call a football match with no goals? A huge tie-ding problem! 
5. Why did the striker cross the road? To get away from the defenders, of course! 
6. What’s the secret to being the best football supporter? Just net that positivity! 
7. Why do some fans sit closer to the field? They want to make sure their cheers don’t go over the bar! 
8. What did one football say to the other? “You crack me up, you’re such an airhead!” 
9. Why don’t defenders tell jokes? They worry about sliding too far and missing the point! 
10. Did you hear about the mathematician who loved football? He couldn’t stop calculating angles of attack! 
11. Why don’t Old Firm fans take naps during matches? They don’t want to miss a bit of the goal action! 
12. What’s the sweatiest position on the field? The goalie, they’re always under pressure! 
13. Why did the goalkeeper go to art school? To learn how to draw great saves! 
14. How does a football team get around town? With their goal-driven bus! 
15. What’s a football team’s least favorite type of candy? Sucker punches. 
16. How do fans measure time at a football game? From whistle to whistle. 
17. What’s the best way to watch a football game? Keep your eye on the ball, not the ref! 
18. Why did the coach bring a pencil to the field? To draw up a win, of course! 
19. What’s the referee’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good whistle! 
20. How do Old Firm fans stay warm in the winter? They huddle under their favorite banners and scarves! 
21. Why did the goalkeeper open a bakery? They’re great at stopping turnovers! 
22. What’s a football fan’s most-used excuse? “The ball just didn’t bounce our way!” 
23. How do you know if someone’s a football fan? They’re never offside when it comes to chatting about games. 
24. Why did the striker visit the dentist? It was time to work on their bite! 
25. What do football fans and chess players have in common? They both live for winning a tricky set-piece! 
26. Why do football fans love the rain? It’s the perfect excuse for a sliding celebration! 
27. Did you hear about the goalie who became a magician? They were great at making goals disappear! 
28. What did the coach say after the bad match? “Don’t worry, the sun will rise over the pitch again!” 
29. Why did the supporter bring a tiny mirror to the game? To reflect on their team’s bright future! 
30. What’s a football match’s favorite vegetable? Goal-i-flower!

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Best Old Firm Jokes

1. Why did the football never get into arguments? Because it always wanted to keep things rolling! 
2. Why did the striker bring a ladder? To reach new heights on the pitch! 
3. What do you call a football team that never loses? A dream team! 
4. Why don’t footballers eat fast food? They can’t handle the penalty! 
5. Why was the football field so cold? Because it had too many fans! 
6. How do football players stay cool? By standing near their fans! 
7. Why did the referee cross the road? To get to the other pitch! 
8. What do you call a football player who broke up with their team? A free agent! 
9. Why did the captain go to art school? To learn how to draw the perfect play! 
10. How do goalkeepers stay stylish? They always catch the latest trends! 
11. Why did the football team go to karaoke night? To practice their goal song! 
12. What do you call a footballer who loves math? A goalculator! 
13. How do defenders like their pancakes? Fully stacked! 
14. Why are football matches always so noisy? The fans just can’t keep quiet! 
15. Why don’t footballers shop online? They hate returns! 
16. What did the goalpost say to the ball? “Don’t hit me, bro!” 
17. Why don’t midfielders write novels? They can’t handle the long pass! 
18. How do footballers stay in shape during the off-season? Goal yoga! 
19. What’s a footballer’s favorite drink? Penalty punch! 
20. Why do footballers make terrible chefs? They always mix up their goals! 
21. What did the striker bring to the fancy party? The goal-den boots! 
22. What’s a football team’s least favorite house chore? Sweeping! 
23. Why did the football sit on the bench? It needed a break from being kicked around! 
24. What do you get if you cross a footballer with a magician? Someone who makes the ball disappear! 
25. Why did the coach bring a pencil to the game? To draw up a winning plan! 
26. Why don’t goalkeepers trust elevators? They always feel they’re going down! 
27. What’s a striker’s favorite type of music? Goal-d music! 
28. Why did the winger bring a compass? To find the corner! 
29. Why did the coach tell the team a joke during practice? To lighten the goal-load! 
30. Why did the defender go to school? To learn how to block negativity! 
31. What do you call a football match with no goals? A snoozefest! 
32. Why do footballers never get lost? They follow the goalposts! 
33. What’s a referee’s favorite vegetable? A whistle-pea! 
34. Why was the midfielder such a great musician? They knew how to play in harmony! 
35. What’s a goalkeeper’s favorite part of the newspaper? The saves section! 
36. What do you call a footballer standing still? A goal post! 
37. Why are left-footed players so rare? They’re always left behind! 
38. What’s a football team’s favorite vacation? A winning streak! 
39. Why are footballers good problem solvers? They know how to tackle tough situations! 
40. What’s a footballer’s favorite animal? A goal-fish! 
41. Why did the striker bring a stopwatch? To keep track of extra time! 
42. Why did the footballer bring sunscreen? To avoid getting benched in the Heatwave Cup! 
43. What do you call a football pitch covered in desserts? Sweet victory! 
44. Why do goalkeepers always look confused? They’re caught up in the net! 
45. Why do footballers love social media? To kick things off with their fans! 
46. What do midfielders always have for breakfast? Passing toast! 
47. Why don’t footballers like clowns? They can’t stand the juggling act! 
48. What’s a football star’s favorite gym workout? Kickboxing! 
49. Why didn’t the footballer play cards at the match? They didn’t want to deal with it! 
50. What did the winger say to the striker? “See you on the other side of the goal!”

Short & Naughty Old Firm Jokes

1. Why don’t Old Firm fans do well in school? They always miss the goal by a mile! 
2. What does a Celtic fan bring to a knife fight? A penalty! 
3. Why did the Rangers striker sit on his sandwich? He wanted to feel the crunch! 
4. How do Celtic fans like their eggs? Hard-boiled, like their heads! 
5. Why do Rangers fans always carry a ladder? To reach for their dreams of winning! 
6. What do you get when a Celtic supporter tries to sing? A pitch invasion! 
7. Why did the Old Firm supporter bring a pencil to the match? To draw some attention! 
8. What’s a Rangers fan’s favorite type of party? A goal-getter! 
9. How do Celtic fans contact their friends? Through goal-line chats! 
10. Why do Old Firm referees become comedians? They’re great at delivering punchlines! 
11. What do you call a Rangers fan in school? A free-kick expert—no one touched them! 
12. Why did the Celtic player visit the art museum? To see more impressive frames! 
13. Why do Rangers fans love elevators? It’s a straight climb—no passing allowed! 
14. What’s the Celtic goalkeeper’s favorite kind of music? Anything but rap—too many bars! 
15. Why did the Old Firm fan take a ladder to the stadium? To watch from the top flight! 
16. Why do Rangers players never watch the news? They can’t stand extra time! 
17. Why are Celtic strikers bad at hide and seek? They can’t stop hitting the post! 
18. How do you keep an Old Firm fan happy? Just pass them a goal or two! 
19. What’s the favorite breakfast of an Old Firm striker? Cross-buns! 
20. Why did Rangers fans bring spoons to the match? They heard it was a cup game! 
21. Why are Celtic midfielders great at gardening? They’re always planting through balls! 
22. Why did the Old Firm coach go to art class? To learn how to draw more matches! 
23. Why did the referee go broke? Too many bad calls drained their accounts! 
24. Why do footballers make bad musicians? They’re always out of tune… and timing! 
25. Why did the Rangers player sit on the grass? They wanted to feel their roots! 
26. What’s a Celtic fan’s favorite dessert? Goal-topped cupcakes! 
27. Why did the ball bring a ladder to the match? To meet the crossbar at the top! 
28. How do you confuse a Celtic player? Call them Rangers’ best player! 
29. Why don’t Old Firm players trust elevators? They’re always suspended mid-game! 
30. Why is the Old Firm derby like an exam? Everyone’s under pressure, and there’s no room for mistakes! 
31. Why did the striker fail in math class? They couldn’t figure out the right angles! 
32. Why did the ball blush? It saw the back of the net and got shy! 
33. How do Old Firm fans apologize? With a heartfelt penalty! 
34. Why did Rangers fans avoid the bakery? Too many turnovers! 
35. What’s an Old Firm player’s favorite style of shoes? Goal-tipped ones! 
36. Why don’t Celtic players drink coffee before games? They’re afraid of getting too jittery on the pitch! 
37. How do you make an Old Firm striker laugh? Put the ball in their own net—it happens anyway! 
38. Why do Rangers players hate playing outside? Too much passing wind! 
39. Why do Celtic fans love Sunday matches? They’re always blessed with football miracles! 
40. Why don’t referees hang out with Old Firm fans? Too many fights over the last call! 

Dirty Old Firm Jokes

1. Why did the Rangers player bring a ladder to the match? To reach Celtic’s level! 
2. Why do Celtic players carry teabags onto the pitch? To avoid getting steeped in controversy! 
3. How do you confuse a Rangers player? Tell them offside is a bar in Glasgow! 
4. Why was the Celtic goalkeeper staring at the grass? He was checking for his missing luck! 
5. What’s a Rangers fan’s favorite dance move? The penalty shuffle! 
6. Why did the Celtic striker bring string to the game? To tie up one clean shot! 
7. Why do Rangers fans love mirrors? They always reflect on their glory days! 
8. What do you call a Celtic fan who can sing perfectly? A myth! 
9. Why did the referee avoid the Old Firm games? He couldn’t handle the boo choir! 
10. How do Celtic players celebrate a game? By actually winning one first! 
11. Why did the Rangers striker sit on the ball? Because they couldn’t score with it! 
12. How do you stop a Celtic striker? Step aside—they’ll miss on their own! 
13. Why don’t Rangers defenders play chess? They can’t defend the king! 
14. What’s a Celtic fan’s worst nightmare? Rangers actually winning the league again! 
15. Why did the Rangers coach carry a broomstick? To clean up their mess on defense! 
16. Why do Celtic players avoid libraries? Too many bookable offenses! 
17. What’s a Rangers player’s favorite superhero? The Invisible Man—just like their defense! 
18. Why do Celtic fans bring tissues to games? To wipe away each missed chance! 
19. Why did the Rangers player wear a swimsuit? They always seem to be swimming in yellow cards! 
20. How do Celtics fans prepare for a defeat? By showing up, that’s all it takes! 
21. What do Rangers and Wi-Fi have in common? They both have connection issues during critical moments! 
22. Why do Celtic fans carry torches during games? To shine a light on their disappearing ambitions! 
23. How can you tell a Rangers striker is in form? You can’t—it’s a rare sight! 
24. What’s the scariest phrase for a Celtic fan? “And Rangers take the lead!” 
25. Why do Rangers midfielders bring dictionaries to games? To redefine “possession”! 
26. Why do Celtic fans hate replay buttons? Too many reminders of missed goals! 
27. What do you call a Rangers clean sheet? A miracle! 
28. Why do Celtic defenders love hide and seek? They’re great at disappearing during an attack! 
29. How does a Rangers fan measure success? By looking at the league table upside down! 
30. Why do Celtic players always carry tape? To fix their broken plays! 
31. What’s a Rangers player’s favorite exercise? Goalpost watching—it’s all they do! 
32. Why don’t Celtic fans get sunburned at games? All the shade from rival supporters! 
33. Why did the referee bring makeup to the Old Firm match? To manage all the red faces! 
34. What’s a Celtic striker’s favorite food? Shots—they just can’t finish them! 
35. Why are Rangers fans not good at gardening? They’ve never cultivated any growth for years! 
36. How does a Rangers fan make their tea? Bitter and without sugar, just like their team’s results! 
37. What’s Celtic’s secret tactic? Praying for their rivals to do worse! 
38. Why did the Rangers goalie bring a blanket to the match? He’s used to sleeping by the net! 
39. What do you call a Celtic player who can score in every match? Fictional! 
40. Why do Rangers and Celtic players avoid each other off the pitch? They’ve already fought enough on it!